Finding P.E.A.C.E. in Marriage
by TaShawnda and Alton Jamison
Many years ago, I remember asking an older gentleman who had been married for more than 30 years … what is the secret to a great marriage? I thought he was going to say something like romance or exotic vacations. Instead, he said two words — hard work. At the time, I was engaged and you can’t tell “love birds” anything. I said to myself, “Oh, we may have an occasional argument, but we will be happy nearly all the time.”
Life has a funny way of giving us a strong dose of reality. As they say, when the honeymoon phase is over, we truly wake up and smell the roses. In college, we had disagreements like any couple, but we didn’t have arguments until after we got married in July 2003. We quickly learned that in spite of all the counseling, workshops and books we have read, we still have to work at maintaining peace in our marriage. Being good people or coming from a good family doesn’t guarantee peace. Being a Christian doesn’t guarantee peace. A large bank account doesn’t guarantee you and your spouse will be on one accord. Peace, my friend, is a lifelong task that you have to work at on a daily basis.
In Amos 3:3, the prophet asked a simple yet profound question: Can two walk together, except they are agreed? When you are married, agreement is the centerpiece of establishing and maintaining peace. If you and your spouse cannot find common ground and learn how to compromise, you will be ice skating uphill in your marriage. You can’t always find peace in the latest book, fad or Facebook post. Often, you and your spouse will have to look to one another and God and find peace. Below are some critical tools you need to establish P.E.A.C.E. in your marriage:
“For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” (Matthew 18:20) Prayer is the lifeline of a godly marriage. It is the glue that holds couples together. It is the foundation of the house. It’s the wheels on the car. Prayer is the crucible to true lasting change and peace within your marriage. Learning how to not only pray but to pray unbiased prayers so God can move on behalf of your marriage. Don’t say, “God please help my dumb husband to act right.” Say, “God help me to love my spouse unconditionally.” When couples come together in prayer, God is in the midst and He will move mountains on your behalf when you come into agreement.
“The hope of the righteous shall be gladness: But the expectation of the wicked shall perish.” (Proverbs 10:28) The second ingredient for peace in your marriage is having a positive expectation that your marriage will be successful. We can’t tell you the number of couples that we have counseled and helped over the years who have had such a negative outlook about everything in their marriage. Even on our darkest days, we always had the hope that God could bring us out — even if that meant going to counseling. We never lost the expectation that God has a hope and a future for our marriage.
“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath.” (Ephesians 4:26) Attitude is definitely everything when it comes to maintaining peace in your marriage. We’ve heard a thousand times that it’s not what you say, but how you say it. We can say one little thing with an attitude and start World War III. Do you need to check your attitude? Are you causing added stress to your marriage because of your tone and body language? Maybe it’s time for an attitude adjustment.
“The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment.” (Psalm 37:30) If you are always speaking doom and gloom about your marriage, then you will have what you say. Number one, you have to speak life into your marriage. Secondly, you have to speak life into one another. Instead of attacking, try to build up instead of tearing down.
“Cast all your care on him for he careth for you.” (1 Peter 5:7) Often, peace in marriage is disturbed because of issues such as finances, kids, or jobs. But instead of allowing the cares of the world to pull you apart, use this scripture as a reminder that God cares for you and your marriage. Learn how, as a couple, to cast all of your cares on him.
Alton and TaShawnda Jamison are the founders of The Empowerment Zone, a ministry designed to empower people for everyday life through products, events, and messages. In addition, they are the pastors of The Empowerment Zone in Baton Rouge, a church plant that is launching in April 2017. The Jamisons have been sharing the gospel together for over 17 years. They met in college on the campus of Old Dominion University and started teaching Bible Study together. The rest, as they say, is history. God has gifted them in the areas of families and finances, and they have been blessed to be able to share their message around the country. They recently completed their first book together — Purpose, Passion & Prosperity: 3 Keys to a Godly Marriage. They are also the parents of two beautiful children. For more information, visit empowerlives.net.